When in China. . .

So this post isn't going to be about me. I'm really not that interesting anyways. Witty? sure. Charming? According to most. Devilishly handsome? Just ask my mirror. But not interesting. That's for things larger than life. Like countries. Specifically China, in case you couldn't figure that out from the title, or the last 6 blog posts. Anyways, here's what China has been up to.

Public dancing. 

These people love to dance, and do a weird Asian Zumba thing (guangchuangwu， 广场舞), and pretty much anything else you can do with choreographed movements in a park. Every evening when the sun begins to set, middle aged women flock to the streets in throngs (in case you were speed reading, no I didn't type thongs), so that they can get their groove on. IMO (in my opinion for you non-millenials) this is something we should transplant to the States. It's good exercise, enforces a sense of community, and allows you to meet people without signing up for a $300 class in a gym.


Helicopter landings. 

On the plus side, it doubles as a rescue copter
when the buildings collapse

My school is pretty quiet. Nothing really ever happens here out of the ordinary. It's essentially a small town in rural Kansas, give or take 20,000 people. But three days ago, a helicopter decided to land on the track where I and every student on campus tend to go jogging. since then it has been landing and taking off with the regularity of an Activia commercial. Have you ever had a helicopter buzz your apartment building? You have? weird. But at least your building was probably made to last. My complex has a shelf life of about fifteen years and is currently entering its seventh year. So the vibrations from a helicopter feel eerily similar to a category 3 earthquake. Good times. Good times.

Picture taking. 

Pictured: Maturity

This is a class full of grown adult  college professors. They had never seen a real life white person before, so they took a picture of yours truly. And then I took a picture of them taking a picture of me taking a picture of them. Pretty meta, right?

"If we stack them high enough, maybe the
cops won't be able to see who's driving."

Hoarding.

This picture is terrible. That's partly my bad, and mostly the bad of the chinese girl who shouldered past me to get on a bus. I don't blame her, I would've done the same. But what you are looking at is half of this motor bike's cargo of....styrofoam? I'm not really sure. But it was as tall as a double decker bus and as wide as my living room. So I was impressed. This stuff happens all the time, but usually its trash, or squished down cardboard. Seeing something this bulky weaving through traffic, was worth a photo.

Clear Skies.

My eyes were tearing up from joy instead of toxic fumes

Just...What?

Words do not exist in the English language to express how rare, how beautiful, and how perfect this last week has been. I took a breath of air. That was it. No smoke. No toxic chemicals. Nothing but pure unadulterated oxygen (and nitrogen for you sciencey types)









Mistranslations.

I'd add a caption...but nothing I can say is
better than that sign.

These are normal.

  All things considered, this one actually isn't even that bad. Part of me wonders if this is intentional. I would feel terrible to wake the grass up from a nap. Imagine if you were sleeping, then a giant came in and stepped on your entire family.

 Things are harder to kill when you humanize them. So actually, well played China. Well played.












Lines.

Don't worry. It's actually twice that long. I'm only halfway
to the checkout counter.

This is Wal-Mart.
Don't go on a weekend.
Ever.
I'm warning you.
You'll regret it.


Th-th-th-that's all folks. Oh, I also found out how to type in Chinese. 再见。 我爱你们。 你好妈妈。

Blurred Lines

Living in China is great...usually, although there are always a few things that will frustrate even the most stalwart of souls. There are a few things that never cease to amaze me when it comes to China. 

The first is the forwardness of the girls here. 

Usually the first thing you will hear coming out of a girl'

ahhh, the classic "misspelled flirtation" technique.
The poor grammar is subtle. Overall a good effort.

s mouth is "I'm so shy," or "I'm a shy girl." The next thing you hear is "You are so handsome, can I have your phone number?" 

Now, I'm a pretty nice guy, so of course I say yes each and every time. Which means I am now WeChat friends with 30 or more girls who I couldn't pick out in a lineup if my life was on the line. 

I really need to find a way to just say no without being rude, but I guess that wouldn't make for any good stories. 

The second thing is the strange ideas of health that people have here. 

Overall, they are very concerned with everyone's health except their own. Take, for example the very nice man who tells me that I shouldn't eat street food because it isn't healthy. After berating me over my food choices, he turns to me with perfect charity and offers me a cigarette. 

Then there is my personal favorite. The Chinese love of the outdoors, or at least letting the outdoors indoors. 

Pictured: Healthy, Fresh air. If compared to a
carton a day smoking habit.

A closed door is a rare find in this country, and the windows have been left open so long that they probably form a vital part of the structural integrity of the buildings they inhabit. People get up early in the morning to jog and practice tai chi and breathe deeply of the fresh air. 

Then you try to close a window, or a door. Instantly they begin scolding you. "Don't you know fresh air is healthy?" 

And no, that haze surrounding those buildings is not fog. Comparatively, the air in that picture isn't all that bad. It's when you can't actually see the tops of the skyscrapers that you should probably stop breathing with your lungs. 

Now, don't take any of this the wrong way. I love the Chinese people. They are very genuine, helpful people. It's just a bit strange going from a culture where we tiptoe around and try not to offend anyone, to a culture where that's a bit of an afterthought. If the thought occurs at all. 

They will generally go out of their way to help you. I've even had students buy me lunch because I forgot to bring money with me. When I try to pay them back they reply "It is my honor to pay for you." 

Well, until next time.